Remembering My Sister Sara

Sara Graceanna is named in memory of my sister Sara who left this life before she could hold her long awaited niece. How happy she would be to know her and laugh and play with her. I know they would've been quite a pair. Although they are certainly two very different people, they share more than just a name. Gracie has that same joy for life that poured out of Sara and affected everyone around her. She has a sense of adventure and determination to conquer whatever crosses her path much like Sara. I always admired these traits in my sister. And, she like Sara is a bit on the dramatic side. Ask my husband and he thinks this is a trait that all the ladies in my family enjoy.

Two days ago Sara would've turned 30 and we would've celebrated in grand measure, but that day we remembered her for the beautiful life she led and the amazing person she was. I will always have a sadness that my little Sara Graceanna will not know her Auntie Sara here on this earth, but I look forward to that moment they will meet.

For now, I share as much as I can about my little sister with my daughter and she already loves her. July 8th is a rainy day. As we drive to the cemetary to take a fresh bouquet of daisies and roses, Gracie sits quietly in the back seat holding the flowers and pensively staring out her window.
I ask her what she is thinking about.
"I just thinking about Auntie Sara. I miss her. I wish I could see her....Do you miss her, Mommy?"
"Very much, love, very much."
"Let's go to heaven and see her...I think we should go be with her."
I don't know what to say except that we will someday.
"I am sad she is not here, Mommy."
I choke back tears as we near the hill where Nathaniel and Sara rest. We climb out of the car and she asks questions about death and heaven and all the tough ones that are hard to explain. We do our usual routine and Gracie places the fresh flowers in the vase. We hold hands and pray to end our little time on the hill.

The rain returns just as we turn and walk back to the car. We arrive home in a short trip that seems like an eternity of questions trying to understand something adults rarely come to grips with. Then, we are home. We talk about Aunt Sara's laugh, her smile, the way she danced when she walked and I look into the eyes of my daughter who genuinely wants to know all she can about the Aunt she has never met. And me, I just try my best to share all the wonderful details with her and my heart is grateful, grateful that my daughter longs to know my sister and that those sparkling eyes that my sister Sara looked up at me with as I shared something she longed to know are so much like the inquisitive sparkling eyes that are looking at me now. What a little gift this moment is. I feel so close to my sister this day, unexpectedly through the eyes of my daughter.

Worldless Wednesday

A Very Young Pilot

Two Cheers for Alaska Airlines!

One Little Moment

It has been too long since I posted. We have been traveling around the states since our return from the islands. Graceanna was a flower girl in a former student's wedding so we camehome for the wedding leaving Matt to finish his 4th term. It has been a time together, but also hard. We spent a few days in Idaho visiting with my grandfather who is in a assisted living facility and not doing well. He struggles to breath and to interact with those around him. It is only a matter of time now. I tried to prepare my 4 year old as best I could, hoping she wouldn't be scared or say something as 4 year olds do. We were walking with Grandpa around the facility and he was struggling to move his legs with the motion of his wheel chair and we stopped in the middle of a hallway. He looked overwhelmed and weak. Gracie came up to him and took his fragile motionless hand and said, "it is okay, Grandpa. I will hold your hand and will we do it together...then we will both be winners..." He looked up at her and gave her this tender smile and we continued slowly down the hall to the outdoor garden. It was just this small ordinary moment and with her simple little words she made it so much more....Before we left for North Carolina, we made one last visit and I knew this would be my last time with my grandfather who had been so much to me and I whispered into his ear and hoped he could hear as he was in his bed and because of lack of oxygen very weak and unresponsive. I wanted to say goodbye and let him know how much I loved him. I imagine it could be frightening for a little one and I could see a little uncertainty in Gracie's face as she looked at him in the bed, but after I explained things as best I could, she climbed unto the bed and bent down and kissed his cheek saying goodnight and "Love you, Grandpa!"

Graceanna has a tender and patient heart and how grateful I am everyday of the little gift I have been given. She is beauty to me...in every possible way...

Thankful Thursday

There is so much for which I am grateful.

Thankfulness is too small a word to encompass the gratitude and appreciation I feel every moment for this little life that has made me a mom. She is my joy, my sunshine, my everything wonderful.

I am thankful for so many aspects of who she is and what she does.

I thankful for

her ability to find joy in everything she does.

her constant curiosity and sense of adventure that inspires me to be just a little more adventurous.

her courage in the dark, in thunderstorms, or the deep end of the pool.

her courage in the bigger things like new homes in stranges places and facing the fears she still holds.

her constant affection and sincerity in showing her love and devotion.

her gentle nature with other children.

her strong spirit...even the seriously strong-willed side.

her determination to learn and overcome her struggles.

her helpfulness whether hanging up laundry on a hot island afternoon or cleaning her room.

her neat freak habits that find her bed properly and precisely made, Gracie style.

her storytelling.

her smile that melts me every day.

her cuddles and snuggles.

her laughter and sense of humor.

her love for Jesus.

her love for her mommy and daddy.

I guess I could just say, I am thankful for who God made her to be and how she touches the lives around her.

Wordless Wednesday

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful.

I am thankful...

for the rain that fell last night easing the long dry season here in Grenada.

for Graceanna's joy that bubbles over into everything she is and does.

for Graceanna's nurturing spirit with other children and the tenderness she displays with them.

for Gracie's wonderful group of little friends here.

for nap time.

for scrumptious, cold and fresh key lime pie that is sooooo refreshing and satisfying in this sweltering heat. (Think I need a piece right now, actually).

for the long awaited trip back home to the states in just 10 days.

for my husband's willingness to help out around the house...and especially for those incredible made-from-scratch brownies he made last night.

for a pool to cool off in in the Grenada heat.

for my wonderful family's interest and support in our crazy new adventure across the seas.

for the ability to give and help others.

for my mom's long awaited Grenada visit.

for Friday's stocked shelves at the grocery store.

for the prayers of others and the opportunity to pray for others.

and always, for God's unending astonishing grace.

Wordless Wednesday