Crazy and Deliriously Happy: Day 2

Both stories of our daughter's entrance into our world come with their own glimpses of hope and of joy.

When we received our referral for Sara Graceanna in 2004, it was two years after our heartbreaking loss of my sweet brother Nathaniel and sister Sara. It had been a painful and long journey in its own right. I had lost hope. I had lost joy. I was empty. Then, after picking up the adoption after it was stalled for so long after losing Nathaniel and Sara, evidences of grace and hope were scattered along our road to Graceanna. The week of her birth and abandonment was the week on the other side of the globe that we fell upon her name, Graceanna, a double portion of grace, something a kind lady had assured me that God was working in my life, even in my grief. Praying that first Christmas following the accident that God would give me some bit of joy, of peace, of grace in my life and finding out after our referral that our soon to be daughter was conceived that December. And that day when we first saw her face. I was standing on a tower of boxes cleaning my office that Tuesday afternoon. My reader, a student who worked for me, answered the phone and I told her to take a message and she told me to TAKE THE CALL. Realizing it was Hillary from CCAI, I almost lost my balance on a precarious stack of boxes and plummeted to the floor. Hearing her say, "I know you have been through so much and I just wanted to call you personally to tell you that you are a mom of a beautiful little girl...." The tears that followed. The inability to recall my password to open my email. My reader somehow knowing my password. My office filling with students pouring out into the hall. My husband running from his office to mine as her picture slowly appeared from bottom to top, old school fashion and then the tears, the crying, the clearing of the room until it was just Matt, me and this face I had always known in the depths of my heart. And the joy. The return of joy. That was an incredible story. So many pieces of beauty and brokenness tied up into a picture of hope.

Yesterday, the climax to a second story. Emma's story. Graceanna's story. Our story. A long, long road of so many turns, so many unbelievable moments of uncertainty in our lives. New journeys of purpose, leaving and letting go of our lives as teachers and entering the unknown. Everyday a challenge in faith or a question of "what were we thinking?" The heart of a little sister that was so desperately wanting a sweet baby sister that never a day in 5 years went by without a prayer for her and a longing for her. 5 years of travels, new countries, new homes, challenges, interesting people, even more interesting sagas. Each year bringing a new home, a new country and a new adventure all from the same 6 suitcases, but no mei mei for Gracie.

And now, here we are. 6 years after starting the process for Emma, 5 years after her paperwork arrived in China and 5 years after Matt started medical school. Here we are. Matt turned 40 a couple of months ago, and last month he received his diploma for medical school in the mail. In a week, he marches at Lincoln Center in downtown Manhattan. And, I am happy and pleased to say when he does, he will be holding a picture of a little girl. A little baby girl long awaited, long hoped for, long prayed for. A little girl in our hearts long before she was even conceived. A little baby girl whose big sister has been praying for her, planning for her and talking to her long before she even opened her eyes for the first time.

Two wonderful stories of joy and hope and a lot of patience and faith.
And two beautiful gifts to remind us that life is very, very good.


So, look at those yummy sweet cheeks and lips. I am thinking they look a little like sisters...

Introducing Our Beautiful Little Girl!

After 5 years of waiting, we have just seen our daughter's face for the first time. It has been a long wait....But really, it hasn't been a "wait". We have longed for Emma for 6 years. She has been in our hearts and our prayers daily. But in the last five years, life has been enriched with adventure, challenges and changes, travels and more. In the last five years, we have had the privilege of living in some pretty incredible places. I always dreamed of living in England. We did that. I needed a change from the life of a boarding school teacher and we left our careers and stuff and moved to the Caribbean. We took on life in the city of NYC for a couple of years and learned we could not only survive the city, but fall in love with it. Yes, we have longed for Emma for 5 years. And each night for those five years, my daughter has prayed for her sister and wondered what she will be like. Five Christmases have come and gone with thoughts and hops that the next Christmas we would share with her. Never far from our hearts...But in the "waiting" we didn't waste away the present. And now, at the end of one journey through medical school and all our travels, we prepare to start a new chapter. A new turn in the road that takes us to the next step in Matt's career, a new place to call home, and finally, our Emma. Finally.

And the phone rang. Today. Just when I said, "why haven't they ..." They called. The phone rang and I was overcome with joy. All my thoughts and words escaped me completely. I don't know what I asked, what I said. My husband and Graceanna came running across the room. We gathered around the phone with our video camera running and met our long adored, long sought after daughter and Graceanna's long awaited, long prayed for little sister.

So, we would like to introduce to you our daughter:

Emmalyn LeRea Yuan Zhi

Yuan Zhi
means source or spring of peace and noble flower.

10 months old from Hunan Province, the province of our sweet Graceanna.

And we are in love.

The Plane Has Landed!

I am distracted as you might soon tell if it isn't already evident.

The plane carrying our referral for Emma has arrived! It is being translated as we speak and tomorrow...the phone rings.

5 long years and tomorrow...the phone rings.

We are already celebrating over here in our house with a game of Candy Land (Graciebug's idea), dumplings from Rickshaw, and reminiscing about the last time the phone rang 6 years ago. Good times in our house!

Referrals: In the Mail...

It is Memorial Day weekend and I may be the only one that wishes that Monday wasn't a holiday. Well, me and everyone else whose referral is on that plane headed for America. Did you catch that? I know. It is hard to believe it. Let me say it again. AFTER 5 YEARS, OUR REFERRAL FOR EMMA IS HEADING FOR AMERICA!!!!!

Okay, I am too excited to say much more. We are going camping this weekend. Does that sound crazy? Maybe a little, but we need to be quiet for a bit. Quiet and listen. We have been trying to solve a lot of things right now when what we really need is just some quiet. To listen. To rejoice at the soon arrival of our referral. So, we are going camping, away from media, phones, and computers and we are going to spend some much needed time in prayer, and in thought, and in play (we do have a 7 year old). Then, we are going to just gaze at the stars and wonder...

5 years. Sigh. Off to stargaze. See you in 4 days with a picture of our little one!

Sunday Snapshot: Easter in the Park

We spent our second Easter in the city at our friends annual brunch and egg hunt in the city. While dads hid eggs in a local park, moms walked a crew of about 20 excited kids across streets and city blocks to the little corner of the park where eggs hid awaiting their discovery by little hands.
While I stood there watching my daughter run about with her friends and tiptoe through the flowers, I thought about how nice it was to have a bit of the familiar. For the last two years, we have lived in the same city and country. And that has been ... well...refreshing and comfortable.

For my daughter, I am just filled with that joy a mom feels when her daughter has a really good friend who makes her laugh, treats her with kindness and who just loves her for being her. That is her little friend, Isabella. How grateful I am for that.
So, I captured a few pictures while my mind was wandering nostalgically over the last two years here in the city. It has been a really really great experience. And right now, I am not sure where we will be next Easter. And because of that, we really soaked in each moment. We have been doing that a lot lately. Not wanting to waste any moments, any memories or miss out on any great places here in the city, we are making the most of every moment.

Transition certainly isn't easy, but there is always the richness you can gain when you don't take your time for granted. So, whether egg hunting in a little city park in Harlem or visiting Starry Starry Night at the MOMA or just sitting in my Brooklyn apartment listening to the spring rain saturate our street, I am going to soak in each moment ... so much better than wasting away time waiting for the future...

Besides, this present is pretty incredible...no matter where it is...in the city, the country, the island life or the Queen's country...

By the Sea

It has been a long time since we have been away from the city. So, to get away from the city, we went to Seattle. I know. It is city. No offense, Seattle. It is a beautiful place. My daughter has defined city as the busy, hurried, loud streets of NYC. We drove from the airport to her cousin's house in Seattle and Graciebug took a deep sigh as she looked out the window at the shore of the sound dappled with houses and said, "I love the country!" We laughed, but we knew what she meant.


It has been a long winter in the city and everyone, even seasoned New Yorkers, need to find their way away from the streets and concrete to breathe in the fresh air. And us, we aren't life longers in the city we love. At heart, my daughter wants to explore the outdoors and return to the days of living by the sea. She misses the island life.

But it is more than that. It has been a busy, stressful time and Gracie feels things intensely. A little refocus, a little family and lots of fresh air was just what she needed...what we all needed.
Being able to take a few moments to let go of all the things you need to do, all the places you need to be, and all the roles you need to play to just be right where you should be, just the way you truly want (and need) to be is pretty refreshing...rejuvenating.
So we did that. We were still and we were busy being not so busy. We played in the rain...like we used to when we were living in the islands, a place that knows what it means to be. We splashed in the ocean. We played. We spent time with family. We just lived in the moment.
And in time, her worried, heavy heart was replaced with a big smile and a laugh so full and wonderful, it made my heart fill with joy.

Just to be...




This is the face of a very content and happy little girl. I learned a lesson during our week in Seattle (the countryside). I need to make sure we take BACK more of that time that we spend in the busy world and get back to the life we learned how to live in the islands and spend a bit more time splashing in the sea.

A Different Perspective

This last week, my husband turned 40. 40. When did we get here? How did this happen...already? It was just the other day that we were barely in our 30's and meeting our daughter for the first time. Back then, we were proud to be able to say we were in our 30's, debt free, starting a family, owning a home, loving our stable and predictable careers in teaching. Now, my husband is 40, we are still a family of one adorable and wonderful little girl, without those stable careers and home and knee deep in school loans. Here he is, 40, and we are nowhere near predictable...and as fluid as a wandering river. Forty is no longer young adult, but mid life. Mid-life? We aren't where a mid-life family is supposed to be. A house. Two car garage. Careers. Regular game night with other mid-life families. Long standing memberships at the local whatever it might be. We haven't been a part of any community for more than a year and half for anytime over the last 5 years. We are starting our 40's. We are too old for this....We are suppose to be "over the hill" but we haven't even reached the summit.

Well, that is one perspective. A pretty grim one, really. Here's another: my husband turned 40 last week. Five years ago, at 35, he stepped out - we stepped out - and made a big life altering decision. He decided to go to medical school. 15 years in to a career he enjoyed, he made a decision to seek a career he was passionate about. It was a big step. Some said we were brave. Most said we were crazy. We have gone back and forth on that one for 5 years. We sold most of what owned, packed up our suitcases and headed for the islands like a couple of carefree newlyweds. For the last 5 years, we have moved from the islands to Europe to the islands to the mountains to the big city, always living out of what we could carry with us. Debt? Sure. We've got it now. I choose to look at as an investment in living. Living the adventure and investing in the future. At 35, my husband was comfortable, enjoying his career, happy with his two-car garage, two-dog, 2.5 bath, vegetable garden life. Today, he is 40 and he is anything but comfortable. The unknown stares us in the face, but not with anxiety, but with anticipation of what it might hold. At 40, Matt will graduate from med school and begin a career he passionate about. At 40, Matt along with his 7-year-old daughter and his wife, will bring home his second daughter. At 40, he will celebrate 15 years of a really wonderful and adventurous marriage. At 40, he will really just be embarking on the adventure and the summit is still ahead. "Too old for this" is just one perspective. On his birthday, we stood at the "Top of the Rock" in NYC and looked out over an incredible sunset of the city we never thought we would call home. It was the end of a pretty wonderful day, but when you look out over a view like this of the city, there is a sense of wonder and promise. Promise of a day even better than the last. A day even more adventurous, more unexpected than the last.

One of my favorite author's words came to me while we watched the sun set on his birthday. Thoreau, a man who left everything to live in the middle of the woods and see if he could "live life" once said,

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

Today, I am proud of my 40-year-old husband. He set out on adventure and took us along with him. And what have we to show for it? A life more unexpected, more uncommon than imagined. Happy birthday, Matt. I am enjoying the adventure with you!