Our dear friends, the Braddocks, joined us in this journey to get our daughters. Their daughter Nina and our Gracie were adopted together and were orphanage sisters. together we met our second daughters. Here are a few snapshots of the new member of the Braddock family, adorable Stella.
While we waited in the large darken waiting room for the other families to finish their adoption process with the registrar, I caught Gracie walked around the room pointing different chairs and walls and talking to herself. I asked her what she was doing. "well," she said, "I am remembering...". From the photos and videos she had watched and looked through a hundred times. "you sat here reading to me...and this room...this is where they gave me to you. This is where I cried a lot...". I listened as her memories of the stories told and pictures and videos she had seen a hundred times took form in the actual place. I had meant to do all that with her this day, but little Emma was my complete attention knowing Gracie was content to flit about with Nina and her new friend Ellie. But for these moments we talked. While at the center both days Gracie hung close to us. While in the room where we had received Gracie we signed all the final papers, assured once again our dedication to little Emma, Emma was all smiles and facial expressions that had lacked the day before. Her little eyes desperately trying to widen and focus on my face while I held her. So silent. Just staring into my face or that of daddy auntie, sissy and cousin when they would appear close enough. The notary who said he was a bit shy of his English (I told him nit worry as it was far better than my Mandarin) asked us all the important questions about address and family, livelihood etc. Then asked about our first daughter. He then looked up to see her...and said to our rep how beautiful she was...how beautiful. Yes...beautiful...inside and out. They commented on the striking similarities in the girls. Then, he asked why we chose to adopt again from China, a question from the paperwork he was filling out. We gave a two or three sentence answer about our family, our first daughter, the connection they would share...all true, but really, it is so much more too....so much. With the dusting wait of 4 more years staring us in the face years ago, I suppose we could have switched long ago and avoided the long long wait for this day. And for some, that was the right thing for their family. For us, we didn't even consider it...no, our hearts already were tied deeply to this place...to this home of our first daughter...to it's culture, it's children...it's earth. I looked down into the face of this quiet little one staring as vest she could up into my face and tears welled up...five years gone, melted away, this was where we were meant to be...this little one who we were meant to love and adore. Her little hand found it's way to mine while Matt finished answering questions and we handed over our gift thanking him profusely. Who do you thank really? Who do you thank? A country, a place who cared for her, each one who made the moment possible...a birth mother.... As I write this recalling that day, Emma has finally coughed and cleared her poor little lungs that struggle each time she eats and she is now content wandering into a beautiful morning nap. Today, we will visit the Buddhist temple on our own...without our guide but with our little group of families who have grown quite close over the last few days. We want to go there...a place we went with Gracie. It is not a tourist location. But we go to pay tribute to a culture really, a place our daughters called their home...and to see the turtles saved from becoming turtle soup... ;)
Made in China, the tag says. We went to the Walmart today. There are two things in this world that you can almost guarantee that no matter where you are, they will be near...no matter the remote place or the culture...they kind of make the world a smaller place...Walmart and Starbucks...okay, I never saw one in the Masai Mara but my guess is Nairobi has them....well, this isn't your typical Walmart with the elderly gentleman greeting you at the door and handing you ano verdicts cart for your oversized purchases...their are none of those happy faces cutting prices...there are American baby products lime Huggies and Johnson baby stuff...and if you know the packaging colors you can identify the Enfamil packaging written entirely in Chinese. There are Barbies. Since Matteo makes them here it is only fair they are sold here too. But this Walmart is way cooler than Walmart back home, because here there are about a hundred varieties of mushrooms in bins, young smiling girls dressed in retro dresses of sherbet colors offering samples of brightly colored juices, and there are skinned ducks and other critters on ice. Audrey almost lost her junk. That may been my favorite part, walking though the food aisles with Audrey. My little cousin is quite expressive. We did find all our baby needs and then a load of snack foods to feed our ravenous bunch. Emma was quite a hit with the customers and employees alike. Occasionally, a well meaning smiling lady would come by and to ouch her feet or pull her head toward them to see her face, smile and nod or speak to me in quick Mandarin tones. Gracie and Nina drew attention everywhere they went. People approaching and asking if they were ours. Yes, proudly so. " Beautiful. Beautiful girl" was mostly what we could understand from our very limited Mandarin skills. No matter where we are, we draw stares, sometimes just stares, but mist if the time, smiles and interaction with her our little and big girls. Gracie has decided she needs to work on her Mandarin more as many approach her talking in Mandarin and her eyes widen unsure of what they are saying.
Meanwhile, Emma is making huge steps in just two days. She is alert rather than asleep or staring into nothingness all the time...although the staring is still there at times. We cuddle a lot. She loves. She may be behind in a lot of ways but affectionate she is amazing. She reaches for my face and touches it, hods my hair gently, wraps her fingers around ours, especially sissy's and muzzles in close...as close as she can possibly get. She struggles in some other ways, but bonding has been beautiful.
I am not sure what was going on in the rest of the world Tuesday...for that matter, I haven't known what is going on in the rest of the world for days....Tuesday morning, I awoke early with Emma. She had nor gone to sleep her first night until almost midnight, long after her daddy had fallen into a deep sleep. It was an ea.ry morning appointment with the welfare institute. When we arrived where we had received our little ones only a day before we entered with little ones we felt we had known much longer than 24 hrs. The building was empty this morning. So different than the wall to people crowded in the hallways and crevices of each corridor, sitting, napping or playing with their new babies. There were nit the noisy sounds of cries and laughter...it was quiet except for an occasional echo from our babies' sounds. We lined up quickly for the family photo for the official adoption registration. Officially, it is for parents with the newly adopted child. We knew this was going to cause a bit of heartache fir a certain big sister. So, falling the official one Gracie joined us for our new family photo. That's when it hit me. We were now a family of four...well, we were moments away from officially being a family of four. We were quickly shepherded in tot the registrars office where the legal proceeding for the adoption take place. It was of course the same room we had been in 7 years ago. And although I only sent two days at that clinic 7 ago I knew it so well. We sat once again at the tab.e with the same registrar and she looked over our paperowork. She paused to look up at Emma and Gracie and said with such surprise that they looked alike...so much alike. And they do. Gracie took great pride in this of course. The registrar asked her where she was from and she told her. It was a bit surreal to watch Gracie carry on a little conversation with the woman who made her adoption official. She looked over the paperwork and said, "are you happy with her? Will you promise to love her, care for her and never abandon her? ". We said that we promised. Yes, we live her. And then with that we placed our thumb prints in the red ink and signed the adoption papers and then little emma's tiny foot was placed in ink and sealed the deal. Gracie, sitting next to us began to get tearful. We had promised her she would be able to be a part if the moment... Another paper...our souvenir, we had wanted to place her fingerprint in. The. The registrar did. Something so beautiful. She took Gracie's hand and placed it in the ink and then on the back of the paperwork for us, next to her sister footprint she brought her hand..but before placing it on the paper she said, "do you promise to love her and be a good big sister". And Gracie said, yes.
Gracie stood watching as the other little girls met their sisters and she kept asking where Emma was and was she going to make it. She was worried after a some time of watching the scenes of Nina and Ellie meeting their sisters....we talked and her emotions went from excited to worried she wasn't coming to anxious to excited...and then she was there. When they walked into the room and saw me, they recognized me and walked toward me with Emma...Gracie watched as they handed her to me and she stood close looking at her emotion building in her whole body....tears began to flow and she tried to speak but she couldn't and she was able to get across that she wanted to hold her. We lead her to the nearest seat...and she she sat, eyes wide and body trembling, she reached put her arms...I thought as I handed her to her that we had played this moment out so many times, talked out each moment and now it was nothing like it...no ceremony. No step by step...just a beautiful disorganized moment with messy emotions. I handed her to her, her eyes now open. She held her and then emma's hand found Gracie 's finger and she wrapped her tiny hand around Gracie's finger and the tears flowed from Gracie so much so that she began to sob. Daddy held Emma while I wrapped my arms around her and asked if she was scared or sad...no, she said that wasn't it...it was...just that her emotions were all balled up and then they just came out...so long, she said....so long...so happy...words were hard for her but we all knew what she meant...
There is so much to be shared. It has been a beautiful but long two days and we are a tired but very happy little family here. Tomorrow with more rest behind us, we will share about our incredible day...about Gracie becoming a big sister in the same room we first met her...about Auntie and the beautiful blankie that Emma loves best of all...and about the moment of course...all for tomorrow as now we are drifting into a sleep state after little sleep...but before I do...here she is...our little sweet Emma...
Today is the day. I awoke this morning at 3:23 and began journaling. This last week of adventures in Hong Kong afforded me little time to blog or journal and with so much running through my mind, I journaled and journaled for 3 hours.
My eyes awoke to the site of the crib beside me and through the bars I see all the neatly placed toys, blankies, and soft little friends and awaiting their baby...almost in anticipation themselves. And it is surreal. Perhaps a part of why it seems so surreal is that I am calm. Perfectly at peace. Rare for me. How did this happen? Clearly a G*d thing. Or, something must be wrong with me. There are so many uncertainties with our littlest one we meet today... So many health worries that we began that we have moved beyond and found peace. I feel peace. Complete and total peace. I feel ready. Matt is definitely ready. Gracie is beyond ready. We are ready. Ready to hold her. Ready to love her. Ready to comfort her. Ready to grow in new ways. Ready to open our hearts bigger and just ready. Oh little Emma is only three hours from being here. In this room. In these arms.
I see the sun rising over the "old buildings" of Changsha. I have much to do. Lists to complete!
Emma in three in hours!
