Saturday, September 12, 2009

Finding Wings...


This past week my little girl turned 6. She anticipated her big day with such joy and excitement while I had the "Mommy syndrome". I anticipated it and dreaded it. Six. Already. Where did the time go? Did I miss something? Why didn't I keep track of all the little bits of life that were now vague memories?



The morning of her birthday I sat in a quiet house day dreaming about this little baby who moments ago was pleading "Hold you" with her little arms outstretched...



of this little 3 year old princess waiting in the window for her Daddy Prince...



of this little 4 year old pushing her little wooden stroller around with her Bear Bear...








of this little 5 year old gracefully dancing in the sand...








I thought of moments from day one in China when my new little daughter crawled into my lap and tried to snuggle in a close as she could get wanting to stay there for hours. The little baby girl grew, the crawls turned to unsteady walks, to playful walks to jumps, skips and runs but always she still climbed into my lap and cuddled up as close as possible. Now, I sat wondered if 6 was that age of no more cuddles. I wondered if it would be the time of the independence I wanted for her.

And then, quietly appearing in the door was my GracieGirl with tossled morning hair hair, her blankly and a half smile. I looked at and whispered "Happy Birthday" and then in a flash my 6 year old girl skipped across the room and fell into my lap and snuggled in as close as she could and we sat for a long time...with smiles...




Yes, I miss the little chubby cheeks, wobbly steps and little feet but I LOVE my 6 year beautiful girl who is independent, smart, funny, full of compassion, laughter, mischief and passions. She is growing her own wings. But I have a feeling she will find her way to her mom for a cuddle for some time to come. How luck am I!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

An Apple of a Different Kind...



I was wrong. We moved north instead of south and are adjusting to life in the very big city. Years ago, this sudden change in paths would've been a little more difficult to take. Now, I am getting pretty used to this and enjoying the challenge of adapting. And it is a challenge. This time last year, we were living on an acre of beautiful tropical Caribbean land covered with fruit trees, flowers, a refreshing clear pool that reflected the blue sky and a beach that bordered our yard and the crystal waters of the Caribbean. Our little slice of paradise didn't come without its other little wonders- bird-size mosquitoes, crabs that on some days looked like a Biblical plaque had struck our backyard and bucket downpours, and nasty centipedes. But all in all, a nice slice just the same. Today, it is a very cool rainy day here in Brooklyn (unlike the heat we have had over the past few weeks that reminded me of Grenada without the benefit of a pool) and I am listening to the rain and the busy streets below while cozy on my couch waiting for my morning cup of warmth to be ready. Hmmmm. Life is indeed quite different here. Being "different" always gets a bad wrap. Different isn't bad. Different gives life variety, dimension, adventure...differences in people, places, beliefs, cultures give opportunities for growth.

So, this morning I am thinking about how different life is from a year ago. Our place here is a quarter of the size of our home in Grenada, we have no yard, pool, or beach and the sounds each evening are not crickets and waves crashing on the beach. Instead, we live in an small apartment in a beautiful brownstone that's windows give view to a beautiful stone church that stretches far above the height of our brownstone. I have freshly picked flowers from a nearby flower stand scattered about our little place and one very happy basil plant to bring a little green to our home. The sounds that great us each morning are the sounds of children on their way to the little private school beside the church, dogs barking and greeting one another on the streets while they walked from hydrant to patch of earth to hydrant doing their business, cars coming and going honking their disapproval of other drivers and people talking, laughing, yelling and sharing bits of their stories that waft in through our windows. Instead of waiting for a boat or plane to bring in fresh produce and goodies from the mainland to stock pile our pantries and fridge with we walk daily to several small markets and collect only what we need for the day or two at most. Instead of scuba diving, swimming and hiking we are spending our time in book shops, restaurants, and parks, scooter outings to wherever the sidewalks take us, explorations of the city, and weekend road trip escapes to the great green beyond. Instead of rough roading on the left hand side of the road we are catching subways and cabs and walking a lot.

Different isn't bad. Sure, I miss many aspects of our little life in the islands and our life in England, but there are also things that remain the same- things that never changed and then those things that we learned from each different experience. These things that are gifts really. I am living in a very busy, fast paced life in a the busiest city on earth and I am still proudly and happily living with an island mindset. I have slowed down, I am enjoying the walk not just hurrying to reach the destination, and I am a lot less worried than I was 3 years ago. I see people everyday yelling at one another, honking their horns, cursing, and not having the time of day for each other. They need a little break. They need a year in the islands to readjust their compass.

So we hold on to what we experienced through what we have learned from it and who we choose to be because of it and we go forward ready to learn some more, ready to evolve some more into who we are meant to be...

For now, I am enjoying this cool city morning, rain and traffic sounds pouring through my window while my little daughter still snuggled in bed sleeps soundly. Some things never change.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Here is the Plan...At Least, I Think So

So, here we go again! Two more months at home in the mountains and we will be back to packing up and traveling. Sweet husband of mine has finished his testing and we are heading to clinicals in Florida! Back to the sunshine and heat for us. We are off to Miami! For as long as I can remember, GracieBug has been convinced that Miami where her cousins live is actually "her ami". Get it? I am not saying anyone reading this isn't quick on the uptake or however that goes, but it took me a minute. She would get so upset with me when I said, "we are going to Miami." Her response would be, "No MY ami." I would say, "Yes...that is what I said..." This would happen...frequently...on our travels back and forth to Miami from the Caribbean. I remember our first such conversation on the plane.
"MY ami,"she says to my claim that we are almost to Miami.
"That is what I said!" Huffing and deep sighs of frustration from small one would follow.
"It's not You ami. It MY ami," she stresses to me in her biggest authorative voice she could muster. Silence. Oh, I get it now. But just how do I explain to her that it isn't anyone's ami? It is just Miami. I try the logical approach of this line of thought. Nope. Only more frustration. Finally, after much discussion on the plane with other passengers snickering about us I give in to her logic.
"Yes, we are going to YourAmi."
Upon landing in "YourAmi" the flight attendant welcomes us to Miami and Gracie shakes her head and rolls her eyes. When WILL these old people get it? So, getting off the plane she politely informs the attendant, "It's MYami." Right.
So everyone, it is almost official. We are heading to MYami or somewhere around there, but not quite there. It is just another of the many destinations on our way. It has been an interesting journey thus far and we are hanging in there. It has also been 2 1/2 years since our LID for MeiMei. We are still waiting and longing. That has been a journey unto itself and one I will share more about later. Right now, I am listening to the sounds of my girl sleep and I am starting to doze off a bit myself.

Life is good.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Our Crazy Beautiful Life


It is simple. Moving. Adjusting. Teaching again. Balancing. So much and so little time. I miss blogging and visiting all those inspiring blogs out there, but life has been crazy.
December rolled around and while still swallowing the idea that we were actually finished with our international adventure (at least for a while) I crammed suitcases full of everything important. We left more in Grenada than we brought back. We left all of Gracie's toys (not many), clothing, books, shoes, printers, bedding and more. I separated everything into boxes for the people I wanted to give it to. I thought about how different I have become. I still have things that are precious to me- things I cherish, but I don't hold on to everything anymore. I have finally learned that things are truly things. In the grand scheme, they are of little value. Simplicity. Thank you, Thoreau. After two and a half years of moving from continent to continent to island and back, I have learned the value of living simply. "Simplify, simplify, simplify," Thoreau wrote. It is a good feeling not being attached to things, but rather experiences and people.
Our suitcases and our memories. What an amazing experience the last few years have been. Thinking back to the year when our daughter was only 2 and we made the decision to leave our life as teachers and chaplains, leave our home, family, and friends, leave our belongings, and head out on this adventure. I remember feeling it was the right decision but being a little afraid of the future. We went to Grenada knowing no one. It was a tough first few weeks in the land of sun and beaches and blue skies. Gracie and I shed quite a few lonely tears. But life is to be fully embraced. So, embraced it we did! 5 months later on a moments notice, we packed our bags and headed to England where Matt was a part of the Global Scholars Program through SGU.
Living in our little flat on a lovely street in Newcastle England was one of the most precious times of our marriage. Our flat of 690 square feet was a cozy sweet home and the smallest we had lived in as a family. The back windows looked out over an old cementary while the front windows looked out upon the rowhouses and giant gates to yet another ancient cementary. I loved it. Gracie loved it. We spent our mornings having tea and reading together. We had "school time" and then bundled up for our walk to the park where we ambled among flowers, along the river and down the path of the small farm zoo. With rosy cold cheeks after our brisk walk home we would have watercress and egg sandwiches and more tea. Flower shops, bookstores, tea houses, and city centre meadering made up our days while Matt studied. Weekends were spent with our trusty Saab traversing the country roads of Northern England and Scotland, visiting lakes, castles, and ruins. Life was like a deep breath of fresh air.
I have thought back on what made it so great for us and it wasn't just the history and literature that breathes out of every corner, but it the quiet simple family time. I miss our little life there and am so glad for the adventure, for the moments and for the lessons learned.
Then, another year was over and we were back to Grenada for another year. I feel it was just yesterday that we landed in Grenada again and drove to what we affectionately called our "batcave" for the lovely number of additional residents. It was a simple slow life, but one so full of experiences. I finally overcame my fear of depth and sharks. I learned to scuba dive and became certified. My wonderful Grenada ladies and I formed our book club. We discussed our books, ate incredible food, shared our homes and lives with one another. Most of all, we shared our experience of Grenada and England together. And what an experience it was. Amy had a newborn and then a little toddler by the time we left. Mel and Lauren became happily pregnant the 90 degree weather. We shared bug stories, sweat stories, grocery nightmares, and mean dog stories all while enjoying the pleaure of eachother's company and friendship. I miss them each already.
We moved to a beautiful little home on the beach where we enjoyed key limes and other tropical fruits from our backyard, a small but perfectly refreshing pool, and of course the beach that became our backyard. It was a once in a lifetime experience. What a beautiful place to call home.
After finally making it to the plane that last day in Grenada I thought of all that we were really taking with us and what we were leaving behind. We left behind the fears that we had arrived with two and a half years before and we left behind the baggage of a busy wrapped up worrisome life. Life was good. Life is good.
On the plane with two dogs, a 5 1/2 year old (no longer the 2 year old little one we came with), and 20 lbs of Grenada chocolate, I said goodbye knowing that I had grown and changed.
And although, life is getting crazy busy, it is actually nowhere near what it once was before we left for the islands. I just guess I learned a slower pace and going at a jog here is not all it is cracked up to be. But, we are enjoying it, savoring it, learning from it and growing some more.
It is good to be back to the Carolinas, enjoying family and friends, being in the classroom again and reverantly walking the aisles of a fully stocked and functional food market. Oh the simple, simple pleasures.
Where to next? In May we move again and I cannot be completely sure where we will be I do know that it will be another place of growth. Here's to being stretched! Life is good and God is so very very true to His promises.


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Thursday, January 15, 2009

It's Been Crazy Around Here!


It has been crazy!




Packing and selling and leaving and moving from Grenada....




Traveling and visiting




Holidays




Repacking and traveling




Finally home to Carolinas...





Unpacking...




Back to teaching teenagers after 3 years away....



Still unpacking




Starting homeschooling again...



Sigh....






Finding a routine (right)






But happy to settled!





"Mommy, you need to SLOW down!"
I have heard this one many a time from my wise (and quite bossy) 5 year old. But, it really has been especially crazy lately!
"Are we home yet?"
"Is this our new home?" This one was after the third stop on our long journey to getting settled back in the states in North Carolina. It has been so crazy I honestly had to think before answering her. Poor thing. It is time to stay put for a while. So, North Carolina it is... at least for 6 months...until Matt starts clinicals. As for now, we are enjoying Gramsy, NC, and all the joys of fresh produce, climate control and mosquito free living! Life is good! Grenada was a wonderful adventure and one I will say farewell to next time, but for tonight, I will just say, I am finally back to blogging! Hello again!