I Feel Pretty

We talk a lot at home about beauty. Don't get me wrong. Yes, I tell my daughter how much I love her eyes, her button nose and especially how beautiful her feet are. These little feet that are wide and thick and a bit turned in and absolutely perfect to me. I am talking about a deeper beauty. She asked me one day if she was ugly...I got worried. Why would she think that? A little girl had told her she was ugly and had ugly straw hair. My first defensive response wanted to be, "She's just jealous...and ugly." And by ugly, I mean her attitude, which really does affect one's outer beauty, but I don't even know the little girl. Of course, I didn't go with the defensive mom approach. I did say that what the little girl said wasn't nice and also wasn't true. I told her she was perfectly and wonderfully made from the top of her sweet head to the tip of those toes that require special shoes. I told Gracie beauty began on the inside of her heart and poured out into her smile and the twinkle in her eye and the sweet way she met the world.

She gets told she is pretty or cute a lot. And I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. "Mom, you have to say that. You're my mom." That's what I would tell my mom and I am guessing every other daughter has said that one to their mom. But I want her to grow up knowing that she is perfectly and wonderfully made but her beauty is a decision, a decision in character that flows from heart. Right now, she gets that.

And what is really great about kids is naturally, they see beauty for what it really is rather than the standard by which the world sees it. That comes as they see us model it, as the world's ideas start barging into their perfectly wonderful perspectives. One afternoon, we were walking in the park. There was a homeless lady sitting on a bench and she was smiling a half toothless grin and waving at the children playing by the fountain. She seemed quite happy and Gracie turned and said half laughing, "She's beautiful mom!" Really? I thought she looked very sweet and kind, but beautiful wasn't the word that came to my mind. She said that because kids see beauty differently until they are taught by the world a different version.

I haven't always been very good at preserving her perspective of beauty. Sometimes, I really goof up. One morning before church, I was standing undressed in front of the mirror having tried on several dresses and feeling unhappy with what I saw staring back at me. I was sighing and reaching for another gown when Gracie stood in the door and said, "Mom! Why are you trying on another dress?" And then in a softer tone, "You are beautiful and soft and cuddly and I like you just the way you are!" True story. Honest to goodness. She said "soft and cuddly," which is a direct reference to all soft and cuddly under-toned bits. I tried to make light of the situation and asked if I should just go like this...dressless...and she said that was "inappropriate!" and marched with her sassy self out of the room (we're working on that sassy thing)! Another morning, on our way to church I was madly applying my make up in the car between potholes and stoplights. Gracie said, "Mom? Why do you always have to wear makeup to church and to school?" Anyone who knows me (my lovely students and coworkers from years past) knows that there are more days than not that I have come to class in my favorite hair bun and makeup less luster. But, Gracie saw a trend. It was when I was entering the community of certain groups of people or places that I would hurry to put on the makeup. I, off the cuff, said I was getting older and had to fill in the creases and bumps and wasn't about to let people see me looking like ....Oops. Bad mom. "Like what? Mom!!!! You are beautiful and just the way God made you and you don't need makeup! You said!" Oh, right. I said. If we want it for our girls. We have to emulate. We have to believe it for ourselves about ourselves. This doesn't mean walking around in our sweats, bedhead, two day old mascara (I am not admitting that this has ever been me...) It is okay to wear that makeup and look our best, but we have to find the fine line of appreciating our aging and the changes that come to us physically, because to age gracefully is more about appreciating our bodies, our faces for the beauty that they truly are and growing in wisdom, working on who we are inside rather than trying to stop what is happening outside or tirelessly working to perfect some Barbie doll beauty. Because when our daughters will look in the mirror and see their reflection what do we want them to see, how do we want them to view themselves? I am pretty sure, that whatever they see and however they see it, it will be in the same light as we, their moms, see our own reflection.